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金钱 柯币
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发表于 2015-6-17 03:02:26
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本帖最后由 513501265 于 2015-6-17 03:07 编辑
With the approaching of the summer, [WORDINESS] As the summer approaches
I will reach the first turning point which is very important in my life. [WORDINESS] I am reaching the first pivotal point in my life. (Turning point implies immense importance )
I have been a member of a junior middle school for three years. [WORDINESS] I have been a middle school student for three years,
During the three years, I experienced a lot, including happiness and sadness, angry and fear. [AWKWARD WORDING] and have been through moments of joy and tears, anger and fear.
I will finish grade 9 in several days. Before the finally examination I have something to say. But I don't know what to say. [COULD BE BETTER] It's only 9 days until the graduation and an ultimate test waits ahead. I want to say something but don't know what to begin with.
Perhaps I could complain about that time goes by so quickly and the life of grade 9 is so busy and boring.
Now that everything will come to an end, and I will be able to have a long holiday to relax. [COULD BE BETTER]
Perhaps I can complain about the insane passage of time and the ordeals I underwent this year, or I can babble about the long break I've been dreaming of after everything is done.
Before the finally examintion,I can't relax in order to get my ideal marks. [IN NEED OF SMOOTH CONNECTION]
But before the test, works need to be done and efforts need to be paid to score my ideal percentile.
I have something to talk about before the final examination, but the logic is not that smooth in my mind. [LOGIC!] You can see my words are a little jaggy, but I just feel like talking right now.
Here are the key points：
I will hand out my wealth[6 coins per person] from June 13, 2015 09:00:00 to july 1,2015 23:59:59..
Wish all would be well in the final exam. [Good luck!] |
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