第一名~~~吼吼~~~（红包申请中）

兰依楠

我的一位好朋友要参加希望英语比赛，稿子已经写好了，可是还有些小错误，结尾也不是很满意。但是这周日就要比赛了，所以时间很紧张（还要准备一些其他的）

所以请各位英文高手，帮忙看一下这篇稿子，提一些建议和修改，以及该如何收尾。真的非常非常感谢~~~嘿嘿~~（因为我的英语水平……）

下面是稿子：

My colorful youth

Nobody knows what life is like,for we can not see it,nor can we touch it.But i believe my youth is colorful,just like a rainbow.

My youth is red,the color of flame.It stands for passion.As a member of the new generation of 21st  century,my youth is full of dreams.Although the way to my dreams may be rugged.But I'lltry my best toface the variouskinds of challenges.Because I'm young,I'm active.

My youth is blue,the color of water.It is symbol of flexible.As we all know,wate doesn't have a fixed shape,when it comes to a narrow place,it becomes narrow;when it comes to a wide place,it becomes wide.There must be a lot of difficulties in my life,so I will be flexible in order to adapt to different kinds of conditions--just like water.

My youth is also green,the color of lives.It represents hope.No one can live without hope.Do you still remember the May 12 earthquake happened in Sichuan?There were many people covered under the ruins then,but they had a same hope,there is a sound shouting in their hearts--I want to live!

My youth is golden,the color of my childhood.It indicates purity.In my world,there is no cheat dark or unhappiness.Instead,it is full of honesty and joy.

Youth is a wonderful vision of every child,and happy memories of the middle-aged or elderly.

Luckily,I have the youth,so in order to grasp my youth,in order to show true selves on this century stage.Let's go!
That's all.Thank you!

再次感谢~~~~(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……

[ 本帖最后由 兰依楠 于 2009-5-12 17:14 编辑 ]

SSV

中间有一段有抄袭李小龙的嫌疑。
作文一直不是我的强项，我总觉得题目有点怪怪的。

我就外行引导内行把。

My colorful youth（我觉得题目起的不好）

Nobody knows what life is like （我觉得这句是错的，不知道是时态的问题还是用词的问题，很怪,翻译成中文：没有人知道生活是怎样的，未知的是未来，生活的酸甜苦辣，每个人心里都有数）,for we can not see it,nor can we touch it.（之前可以并成一句）But i believe my youth is colorful,just like a rainbow. （没有任何过渡）

My youth is red,the color of flame.It stands for passion.（之前合并成一句）As a member of the new generation of 21st century,my youth is full of dreams.Although the way to my dreams may be rugged.But I'lltry my best toface the variouskinds of challenges.（Although 和  but 是不能连用的。）Because I'm young,I'm active.（active 和 passion 关系不大，要换词passionate）

My youth is blue,the color of water.It is symbol of flexible. （合成一句）As we all know,water doesn't have a fixed shape,when it comes to a narrow place,it becomes narrow;when it comes to a wide place,it becomes wide.There must be a lot of difficulties in my life,so I will be flexible in order to adapt to different kinds of conditions--just like water.

My youth is also green,the color of lives.It represents hope. （合成一句）No one can live without hope.Do you still remember the May 12 earthquake happened in Sichuan?There were many people covered under the ruins then,but they had a same hope,there is a sound shouting in their hearts--I want to live! (观点不清晰）

My youth is golden,the color of my childhood.It indicates purity.In my world,there is no cheat dark or unhappiness.Instead,it is full of honesty and joy.

Youth is a wonderful vision of every child,and happy memories of the middle-aged or elderly.

Luckily,I have the youth,so in order to grasp my youth,in order to show true selves on this century stage.（话没说完）Let's go!
That's all.Thank you!

需要改进的地方很多，
与其说My youth is blue不如说 我的青春里有蓝色。
golden --〉 purity??? 这个根本讲不通吧，提到purity人们首先想到的是水。
金色 给人的感觉应该是宝贵的东西，例如回忆，做人的原则等等。
希望能重新整理一下。字数并不多。
其实这样的文章，第一段很重要，可是作者在第一段里省了很多，导致后面的文章无法回衬。既然提到彩虹为什么不用彩虹的七种颜色，而是要用别的。我知道楼主只是打个比方，但是不妨考虑一下。演讲的第一段主要是attention getter。
我不知道演讲的主要目的是什么，如果是英文的应用，文法的话，这篇文章还是可以的，我会给B或者A.
可是如果重点在于内容安排，我觉得这篇文章C.不过这篇还是有潜力的。
我怀疑这是作者的First Draft, 希望能够多加改进。一般的小段，要经过4次的改进，才可以发表。


我的话说完了，如有得罪多多包涵。不过peer review这种东西，还是多多益善的好。

[ 本帖最后由 SSV 于 2009-3-5 14:34 编辑 ]

4everluv

你朋友的作文？
我總有一種幫人寫作業的感覺- -

SSV

原帖由 4everluv 于 2009-3-5 11:44 发表
你朋友的作文？
我總有一種幫人寫作業的感覺- -

不如你写一段，我们来感受一下。

兰依楠

是朋友的作文啦~~本来想找老师辅导的。可是放假了，时间也不够了，所以就……
说实话，她也不知道写什么好（自命题），如果写得太难生词太多的话，可能会到时候一紧张就忘记了……唉唉~~对于这个东西，我也是无能为力啊~~所以很需要帮助么~~(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……不过很感谢你们的意见，再次感谢~~笑~~~

4everluv

Today was a wonderful day....

完了謝謝~

4everluv

today was such a wonderful day..
完了 再次感謝XD

SSV

原帖由 4everluv 于 2009-3-8 08:28 发表
today was such a wonderful day..
完了 再次感謝XD

Melv果然是高手，我知道她想说什么，我来补充一下‘。。’代表的内容。
today was such a wonderful day，it was the day that I fell in love...

评价：多么富有感情，浪漫的句子。

[ 本帖最后由 SSV 于 2009-3-8 10:05 编辑 ]

夜游_森

原帖由 SSV 于 2009-3-8 10:04 发表

Melv果然是高手，我知道她想说什么，我来补充一下‘。。’代表的内容。
today was such a wonderful day，it was the day that I fell in love...

评价：多么富有感情，浪漫的句子。 ...

补充得很赞XD

兰依楠

(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……
晋级了！！
复赛除笔试外，还有两分钟的自命题演讲（不知道讲什么才又有新意，又能吸引裁判眼球），还有三分钟的才艺表演，4月30日去比赛~希望大家多提些意见~非常感谢~~

无情

你们在玩英语接龙么

恭喜楼主晋级~~

2分不算长的，讲讲你为啥参加比赛/比赛上学到了什么之类的，很快时间就到了~
加油哦

[ 本帖最后由 无情 于 2009-4-20 08:00 编辑 ]

SSV

原帖由 兰依楠 于 2009-4-19 18:43 发表
(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……
晋级了！！
复赛除笔试外，还有两分钟的自命题演讲（不知道讲什么才又有新意，又能吸引裁判眼球），还有三分钟的才艺表演，4月30日去比赛~希望大家多提些意见~非常感谢~~ ...

才艺表演:唱歌啦
自命题演讲：自己编个笑话什么的

Rache

'Nobody knows what life is like,'

EASY:

'Life was like a box of chocolates.'

SSV

I hate chocolate but I like boxing. So I guess I don't deserve to live......