Some rant about common language history books [Update on #7]

Nemesis-G

I got my hands on a set of book call "Those Things in Ming Dynasty"(明朝那些事儿, this is my translation so feel free to insert your own version) several years ago. To be honest, they are qualified as masterpieces. One could feel the author's seriousness while reading, that the author is here to tell a great story, not for a quick buck or being an attention whore.
As expected, we have our first copy cat not long after the hit: a set of books call "Those Things in Qing Dynasty"[清朝那些事儿]. I did not read them so I would not say anything negative about them, nor would I say anything positive. After all, Master said that you should not pretend to know something when you actually do not.
Two years passed by and here I am, back in the same bookstore where I first bought "Those Things in Ming Dynasty". What I saw was a crap load of books titled "Those Things in Insert your favourite Dynasty". I was shocked, however I still bought some of them. I know they are copycat's work, but I would still like to give a try. People say "don't judge a book by its cover" after all.
So here are some of my thoughts, expect a lot of swearing because some of these book does really get on my nerves. If that somehow make you feel uncomfortable, I apologize. I censored them all, but feel free to censor them even more in your mind.
Let's talk about some rather good ones before we dive into the crappiness, first one on the list is "Those Fancy Things in Sui Dynasty"[隋朝那些花花事儿]. To be honest, this one is actually not bad. The writing is decent and the comments are fair, although it bears a copycat title, it was actually quite a pleasure to read it. If you are searching some good work in the sea of "Those Things in Insert your favourite Dynasty", this should be the one you are looking for. "Those Fancy Things in Sui Dynasty" is actually a two volume set, the history of Sui Dynasty is rather short after all.
Guess what, that's it. The first one on the list is also the last one on the list. No more Mr. nice book, Mr. piece of crap dead ahead, Captain!
Let's make this one as the appetizer: "Those Things in Han Dynasty"[汉朝那些事儿]. It supposed to be a series simply because you cannot fit 406 years of Han history(211 if Western Han only) in one tiny book. Well, I don't know if there are more out there after I leave my nation, and appearantly the author is keeping up his work online. Anyway, what I am trying to say is I only own the very first volume. I would not say something like "crap", because it is actually OK. Not bad, but not good neither. A strong feeling strucked me as I dig in deeper and deeper through this book, that is the author has no other historical resourses than "Record of History"[史记]. For example, whether Liu Bang had a younger brother is debatable, and Sima Qian supported the idea of "Liu Bang had a younger brother". In "Those Things in Han Dynasty" I cannot see a single word mentioned this debatable historical event. If you think I am nickpicky, turn around and look at how "Those Things in Ming Dynasty" handle the debatable historical events such as "How did Emperor Jian Wen[建文帝] escape from the burning palace", you will know what I am talking about.
Then we have "Those Things in Eastern Han Dynasty"[东汉那些事儿], same as the previous one, it should have a series and I only own the first volume. This one is crappier than "Those Things in Han Dynasty", simply because the writing really make no sense at all. Appearantly the author believes that if he inserts a crap load of modern day song lyrics in the book, and make it look like that those characters from Eastern Han were singing them, it will be cool. Well it is not. In fact, these songs are annoying. It is incredibly inharmonious to see history figures sing like a modern day cheap singer, and most of these songs were forced. Some of these song had their lyric changed in order to fit in, however the fixed lyric itself already look like crap, let alone using them in an inappropriate situation. Some of them are just out of place, like a fly in your soup bowl. This author get carried away way to far, reading his book is like scanning through a collection of lame lyrics, instead of a historical work about Eastern Han.
So now we get the normal one and the bad one out of the way, here is "Those Things in Spring and Autumn Era"[春秋那些事儿], the ultimate s@#$ bomb. Well I do not know if this is the first volume of a series just like the previous two, because in the end of this crap it just says "The Spring and Autumn era came to an end, and the Warring States era had started". This book is about the history of the Kingdom of Wu[吴] and the Kingdom of Yue[越], thus, if it continued, the only way to do so it start it all over again with some other Spring and Autumn state's history. About the book? Oh boy did it suck a#$! The humors are forced and out of place, the historical materials are limited and unclearified, the comments are unfair and self-contradictory, reading this book is just like reading a cheap love novel. Obviously this author is trying to be funny, to do so he introduced a ton of modern languages in the text, and insert them all over his work. Only problem: they are not funny! Is Fu Chai the King of Wu[吴王夫差] say something like "I am a genius and I am awesome, hahahaha" suppose to be funny? I guess not. Is Gou Jian the King of Yue[越王勾践] say something like "Well his s@#$ tastes actually not that bad, I will give you guys a lick if you want to" suppose to be funny? I guess not. So let's do the math: not funny plus not funny, equals NOT F@#$ING FUNNY! On the other hand, the story is just s@#$. I mean, was this guy just blandly translating Spring and Autumn with Commentary by Master Zuo[春秋左传] into modern Chinese? Appearantly he translates the original book chapter by chapter, not even excluding the obvious historical fiction such as "Master Yuan the white monkey who knows how to use sword", or "Two swords turn into two dragons and disappeared in thin air". What makes it even worse is he inserted himself in this mess, a godlike figure in the book who appearently helped certain historical figure and talked to Fu Chai the King of Wu! What. The. F@#$. I believe the book you were writing is NOT a fiction, so could you spare your reader of your ego? After all, as if the book is not s@#$ty enough, none of the lyrics in this book are from Book of Odes[诗经]. Are we really in the Spring and Autumn era?
The last one I am going to rant about is "Those Things in Tang Dynasty"[唐朝那些事儿], I have only one comment about this master-piece-of-s@#$: Who in their right mind gave a green light to the publish of this f@#$ness!?(What, "f@#$ness" is not a word? Well it better be.) This book does not even qualified as s@#$, it is like a s@#$ could s@#$ and that s@#$ could s@#$ and that s@#$ could s@#$ and that s@#$ could s@#$ and that s@#$ could s@#$ and that s@#$ could use computer and come up with this pile of steaming pig s@#$. The introduction is a mess, where are you going to start your story? Are you going to start from Sui Dynasty, because the founders of Sui and Tang has a really close and complicated relationship, and one cannot be clearified without another? Or are you going to start from Tang Dynasty, because oh I don't know, the name of your f@#$ing book is "Those Things in Tang Dynasty"? The author seems just barely following the previous route, but he keeps back tracking and fore tracking. Made up your mind already! Either start from Sui then proceed to Tang(Which is more preferable), or dump the Sui and go for Tang, it is that easy, then pick your f@#$ing poison motherf@#$er! The commentary is completely biased, but that is expectable because you are reading some lowest form of s@#$. The true untolerable thing is in the middle of this s@#$ load of f@#$, the auther used THREE pages to rant about some out of place connection he made, which leads to certain events in Republic of China era. THREE pages! For the love of f@#$, the title of your book is "Those Things in Tang Dynasty", not "Those Things in Republic of China era"! While you click in this article you are expecting to see my rant about books, not my rant about Disney characters(Just saying, I have nothing against Disney characters). Same thing, while I open a book call "Those Things in Tang Dynasty" I am expecting to see commentary and introduction of Tang Dynasty, not the goddamn Republic of China! And you know what is really shocking? After all these s@#$ he put his readers through, this author still got the balls to pull a crappy poem right out of his a@# to show how awesome he is. Jesus Christ man, this book should be called "Those Things about My Ego", because Tang Dynasty is not in the book, the only thing inside is his mutated ego!  
In conclusion? Well, if you really liked "Those Things in Ming Dynasty", and while you walk in a book store you see a crap load of book all named ""Those Things in.....", what do you do? LET THEM ROT.   

4everluv

woah i'm sorry... so those prints were in Chinese right? if there's an english version lemme know...

copy cats are everywhere, publishers dont care about the quality as long as making a profit.

Nemesis-G

I personally believe "Those Things in Ming Dynasty" is the only set that is good enough to have English translated version, but I am no sure if that actually happens.
For the others? Well, they are s@#$ty enough in Chinese already, let them rot. They are abusing both the language and the history of my nation!

hiddern70

well.....
for copy cats, I guess you've already familiar with someone such as "four Jr." (since I have no idea of its gender, I would rather call it this way)
also, as mel said, they just want to get some easy money, so they would't care about their composition's quality at all.

Nemesis-G

"four Jr.", of course, who would have forget this constipation of Chinese literature?

SSV

Thank you for the advice. This paper is interestingly written, and well organized. It must be a pain for you to sit down and read through those things that you completely disagree. I have to say that you have a good sense of humor, and I'm enjoying reading this essay. The last paragraph really cracked me up.

Nemesis-G

Well, you heard me rant about books that bear the copycat tile "Those Things in...", so why do you need to hear me rant again? In full anticipation of that, I am going to spare you from crazy ranting and constant swearing this time......because the two books I am going to talk about in this update, are actually quite decent.
Before I say anything, let me introduce you to a group of writers. Appearantly there is an union-like writing group exists, and the goal of this group is to write common language history books title in "Those Things in...". As far as I know, there are five members in this group, each one of them produced a common language history book about a certain Dynasty or Era. I will make a list of them, and I believe some of them would ring a bell if you read my previous rant:
Those Things in Han Dynasty [汉朝那些事儿]
Those Things in Jin Dynasty [晋朝那些事儿]
Those Things in Spring and Autumn Era [春秋那些事儿]
Those Things in Warring States Era [战国那些事儿]
Those Things in Southern and Northern Dynasty [南北朝那些事儿]
If you look at the back cover of one of these books, you will see the recommendation statements from all members of this union except the author. Well I can tell you that the recommendation statements on the back of Those Things in Spring and Autumn Era is completely bulls@#$ and I recommend you throw this book in the fire in the speed of light. I already talked about Those Things in Han Dynasty so I would pass this one, and I actually do not own Those Things in Warring States Era so I will not talk about it. So, I believe you know which two I am going to show.

Those Things in Southern and Northern Dynasty, as I said before, is a decent book. No fancy language, no crappy lyric, no ego insert, no nothing. It is exactly the kind of book you expect when you pick up a common language history book titled in "Those Things in...". It is better than Those Things in Han Dynasty, but not as good as Those Fancy Things in Sui Dynasty. It suffers from two flaws. The first one is going to be the speed of story telling, when reading this book, I cannot help but think that the author is in some kind of hurry, it is like if he does not write fast enough he is going to miss a train. Why so fast? Note that  Southern and Northern Dynasty is not the unified Dynasty such as Qin or Han Dynasty in Chinese history, there were quite a few countries came and went in that time, and it was basically a mess. You will have to slow down or the reader will get confused. The second flaw is the lack of commentary. There are only a handful of commentaries in the book, do not get me wrong because they are all decent, but why so few? If you read Those Things in Ming Dynasty, one thing you are going to enjoy is the author's commentary, without them, the book will not be as interesting. However in this book, such commentary are really rare. If the commentary is crappy, then it is OK, but these are nice commentaries, why not add more of them so your book would be more interesting and lively?
Those Things in Jin Dynasty is another OK book, but the problem of it is "OK". It is so OK, that when you read it, you cannot help but keep thinking "this is so mediocre, nothing more than OK". Like its brother Those Things in Southern and Northern Dynasty, this book suffers the same flaw: speed and commentary. However, the problem in this book is much worse. Those Things in Southern and Northern Dynasty suffered from a fast story telling speed and insufficient commentary, Those Things in Jin Dynasty suffered from a light speed story telling and no commentary at all. It is toooooo fast, like a DVD fast forwarding. If you blinked while you are reading, God help you, because you just missed the proclaim of a country, or the death of a king. The lack of commantary make it worse, it is like the author himself does not give a damn about these guys. As I said before, Southern and Northern Dynasty is not the unified Dynasty, and it was a mess. Well, in fact, the Three Kingdoms Era, Jin Dynasty and Southern and Northern Dynasty are all a completely mess. To understand what happened in this hug mess, you have to slow down. So, a light speed story telling technic simply does not work. Also, unlike all other books I reviewed before, Those Things in Jin Dynasty is a solitary book, which means all 155 years Jin history are all in here. Ming Dynasty has almost 300 years of history, and the author of Those Things in Ming Dynasty used 7 books to finish his story. Food for thought, huh?

So these are my update. Feel free to give these two books a try if you really want to. If you read Those Things in Warring States Era and have some thought about it, be my guest, I would love to know about that one. However, whatever you are going to do, be sure to stay away from that pile of monkey puke called Those Things in Spring and Autumn Era, and the ultimate unholy f@#$ness called Those Things in Tang Dynasty. Reading through these copycat titled books is like an adventure, you may find a gem which make your time worthwhile, or a turd covered in vomit.   

SSV

I read the first chapter of "Those things in Ming Dynasty", or what I would like to call it "The funny little facts you never heard about Ming Dynasty". But I am not sure if it is the same one you have been reading. It is really an interesting book. I would recommand this book to anyone who is interested in history or/and wants to have a good laugh after you had a bad day.